Southern California, Class of 2012
My name is Dan Lee and I’m honored to share my testimony of my experience at Father School with you all. I hope that by reading my testimony, you all one day will have a testimony to share with others as well. Father School was definitely not something I was interested in the beginning, but I’m grateful to God that He gave me an opportunity to experience Father School because not only has it impacted my life, but my families lives as well. Praise the Lord!
Well, I’m 34 years old and married with two beautiful children. I grew up in a some what dysfunctional family. My parents divorced when my brother and I, were pretty young.
I was 4 years old and my brother was not even 1 year old at the time. My mother left our family after the divorce, so my father had to literally raise us on his own. My grandparents helped out as much as they could, but it was very difficult due to my brother and I, being so young. My father worked most of the time, so we really didn’t get to see him much and when we did, he would always be too tired to do anything with us. My father knew he needed help with us, so he ended up getting married for a 2nd time to some lady he knew in the past. It happened so quickly, it was almost like an arranged marriage. My step mother came from Korea to live with us and to make a long story short, let’s just say she was a good step mother in the beginning, but towards the end, she was not. Due to my step mother and I, not getting along, my father ended up kicking me out of the house at 18 years old. I know to many of you, you might think, my father has done enough by taking care of me until 18 years old, but the reason why I felt betrayed was the fact that I helped my father out at his store since I was a young child until 18 years old. I wasn’t a bad child either. I went to school and got good grades while helping my father at his store (Without Pay). My father always would tell me that family always came first, but I guess this time around, my step mother came first in his eyes. Well, after a couple of years later, my father ended up getting divorced again for the second time and I told myself that I would never want to become like him when I got married. Not only did he not have a real loving relationship with his children, but he didn’t have a loving relationship with his wives either. This man I call father was someone I used as an example not to be like. Which was pretty sad.
Approximately, seven years later, I got married to my wife Julie. She was someone I instantly had chemistry with and someone I fell in love with. I dated a lot of women in the past, so I knew what type of person I wanted to marry and when I met my wife, I knew she was the one. After dating for approximately 4 months, we got engaged and got married within 1 year of knowing each other. Things moved really fast, including our first child who was a honeymoon baby. God truly blessed us! Approximately, 3 years later, God blessed us with our 2nd child. To my wife and I, our children were everything to us. We would sacrifice everything and anything for our children. Including our time alone which probably wasn’t a great idea because my wife and I, were becoming more distant to each other due to being busy all the time with the children.
My marriage was going from great to just okay in a very quick span. We needed help! Well, one day we were at church for Sunday service and we heard on the announcements that a Father School conference was going to be held in LA in a couple of months. This Father School conference was for fathers, married men, and even single men who wanted to be fathers one day. My wife nudged me saying I should go. At first, I was kind of surprised that my wife would tell me to go because I felt like I was a great father to my children and I definitely didn’t need to attend. I felt this Father School were for men who weren’t great fathers and needed to go to learn how to be one. I believed I was too overly qualified for this Father School, but after my wife kept nagging me to go, I ended up going just so she would stop asking and also to hang out with a friend of mine who also attended due to his wife. I attended Father School not knowing what to expect with very low expectations, but I am extremely grateful that God gave me this opportunity to go because it truly changed my life.
I have so many things I would like to share about Father School and how it impacted and changed my life, but I already written a lot, so I’ll share one thing that really transformed my heart. During Father School, a guest speaker asked the Father School attendees that if they could save one person from drowning and it was your mother and your wife in the water, who would they save and a good 98% of them said their mother. The guest speaker related, the one person in this world that you ever make a promise to God to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in heath, until death do us part is your wife. You never made a promise to God for your parents. You were a gift and a blessing from God to your parents, but the only person you actually made a promise to God was your spouse. I never thought of it that way, but it was so true! The guest speaker related that if you and your wife have a healthy, loving relationship than your children will automatically grow up healthy as well. When the guest speaker said that, I started thinking about the way my wife and I, were living our lives. We were so focused on our children, we forgot about ourselves. We thought as long as we focused on our children, we could sacrifice our own time together and we were doing everything correctly, but in fact we were doing everything incorrectly. We were living the direct opposite way we should be living our lives. No wonder our marriage was falling apart. The guest speaker also related that most parents focus so much on their children that when their children grow up and leave the house, the parents end up divorcing because they don’t know each other anymore. All their love have diminished because they never took time out for themselves to build upon their love. That was pretty scary to hear because that’s the path my wife and I, were heading. I knew right then and there I had to make a change not only to better myself, but for the family as well. During my marriage, I was so focused on not becoming like my father that I started becoming like him. I was spending time with my children, but was not showing the love like they needed. I had to show that love to my wife in order for my children to feel loved. I thought Father School was only going to focus on teaching me how to become a great father, but I realized that many of it’s focus is on how to be a great husband. Like the speaker related, if you and your wife have a healthy relationship, than your children will grow up healthy. How powerful is that?
I can sit here and write on and on again about how great Father School was and how it impacted me and my families lives, but the best way to know is actually attend the Father School and experience it for yourself. My wife and I, now focus on having a healthy relationship among ourselves, so our children can grow up healthy. This was a valuable thing I learned because not only did it save my marriage, but it also saved my children from growing up in a dysfunctional family like I did. Prior to me attending Father School, I believed I was too overly qualified for Father School, but now I realize how foolish I was. Fathers normally don’t attend any schools on how to become a father prior to having kids. We get married and have kids and just try to do our best.
The only person we can emulate is our own fathers, but what if in your opinion, your father wasn’t a great father. What do you do then? Just hope and pray we will just become great fathers? We are not perfect and we make mistakes, but why would you want to become a father and make several mistakes and possibly scar your children and decide to attend some program like Father School? What better investment is out there than to invest in your family? I hope I was able to share enough experience with you to show a glimpse of what Father School is all about. Thank you for taking your time to read my testimony and I would like to end this testimony by saying the Father School’s motto. Strong Father, Strong Family! God bless!